I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
