u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
