So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
