based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
