dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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