It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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