the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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