a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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