You made me cry and you don't even care
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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