A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Randomize
