Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
