2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
