its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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