Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
