Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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