guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
