i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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