why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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