Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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