I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
