Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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