Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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