you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Come see our sink grown plant.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
