Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
