Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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