My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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