were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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