the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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