I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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