When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
