My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
