Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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