just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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