I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
