Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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