She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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