Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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