i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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