So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
