i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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