When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
