Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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