he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
