you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
