Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
