It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
