i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
