i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
