Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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