Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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