I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize