im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
