i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
