i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
