that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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