just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
