I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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