the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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