Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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