On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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