a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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