Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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