I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can't motorboat a personality
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
